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HookLine&Screamer
25-08-2011, 00:50
Most of us that are old enough and live in the UK will remember Ronnie Barker’s alternative delivery of Cinderella; below is the transcript of Rindercella. Those of you abroad may never have seen or heard this; you can find it on YouTube; just type-in Rindercella into the YouTube page search.



I Remember it well, they would never get away with it today, sadly for those few sane people still left in this country

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger, though goodness knows how many takes had to be made. The irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the whining herds.




This is the story of Rindercella, the sugly isters and the prandsome hince

Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing scloors, emptying poss pits and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.

The sugly isters had tickets to go the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite whice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.

At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve, ‘Mist all chucking frighty!!!’ said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks and losing her slass glipper.

The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella’s door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fassive mart, ‘Who’s fust jarted?’ asked the prandsome hince. ‘Blame that fugly ucker over there!’ said Mary Hinge. When the stinking crown bloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the suly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.

Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny.

THE END

flashgordon1952
25-08-2011, 16:08
i was very shocked when i heard of his death ! He can never be replaced not even by ant and dec !(very lucky to be where they are )
What i would like to know is what happened to his son, the last thing i heard he was in france after a warrant was issued for his arrest for an alledged serious allegation !
Did they finally find him or did he come home! If not why not ! offcourse "one " is innocent until proven etc but offcourse if he is still at large does sound a bit suspicious !

carpfanatic
25-08-2011, 17:27
Classic :rofl:

Ronnie Barker was and is a true legend of comedy and was such a big, big loss.

Some of the funniest material ever made was undoubtedly from him.... 'Fork Handles' still remains one of my favourites :lol:

HookLine&Screamer
26-08-2011, 12:07
i was very shocked when i heard of his death ! He can never be replaced not even by ant and dec !(very lucky to be where they are )
What i would like to know is what happened to his son, the last thing i heard he was in france after a warrant was issued for his arrest for an alledged serious allegation !
Did they finally find him or did he come home! If not why not ! offcourse "one " is innocent until proven etc but offcourse if he is still at large does sound a bit suspicious !




I'd forgotten about that, last news was he was still on the run with an open arrest warrent if found on UK soil, apparently he hasn't been able to collect his inheritance 'what a shame eh?'